5 Reasons To Teach your kid a language

In the spirt of cracked.com I've decided to forgo the exercise of writing an essay.  Just the thought of having to complete thoughts together into a coherent structure, a beginning middle and end, and dear god all those paragraphs...no that makes my head hurt.

Instead today I'm giving you a list.  In addition to being lazier it also lets me add lots of excess pictures.

1. Brain Development

Your child's brain is kind of a mushy gray thing that lives in his or her skull.  It's also where all her thoughts, like deciding to draw on the kitchen cabinets, come from.  In order to develop the brain needs exercise, and I don't recommend removing their brain and putting it on the treadmill.

Run Fatboy Run!

No there's really only one way to exercise the brain, learning.  According to research from the Center for Applied Linguistics learning a new language can create new connections between not just adjacent neurons but between distant neurons.  The idea of "right-brain" and "left-brain" is a bit antiquated, as the entire brain works together, and connecting distant neurons through language can lead to an expanded neural network.  Theoretically that will make other distantly connected skills (such as art and math) easier to learn as well.

Which is good, because when my kid draws on the cabinets I demand RIGHT triangles!


2. Learning To Go To School

If your children are older than my little Leilani you probably remember their first day of school.  And like a lot of parents  you probably had a wonderful experience where you put your kid in front of the classroom, they started crying, then you started crying, and everybody got to feel horrible.  It can take children weeks or their High School Diploma to finish making the adjustment to leaving their parents daily.

It'll be okay Dawson, daddy will pick you up at 3:30.

Now my daughter already attends Montessori day care three days a weeks, so she's over the separation anxiety, but not all day care centers actually have the kids sit still and learn lessons the way my daughter's does.  Language Stars classes can help prepare the children for a proper school day with lessons and teachers.


3. To Help You Learn

My regular readers (hi Mom!) are well aware that I believe your child's early learning is a two street.  My wife is a fluent Spanish speaker because she cheated and lived in Peru for 17 years just to make me look stupid.  If you or your wife were selfishly unwilling to be born in another country then you may need to learn some of the foreign language your child was learning in order to help with their studies.  In particular you'll have to practice with them regularly so that they don't spend the week between classes forgetting.  Guess what happens when you practice with your children?

No you don't win money.  Where'd you get that idea?

The study cited above points out that while it's easier to teach your child a foreign language it's far from impossible for you to learn.  So get out there and learn for yourself!


4. A Quality Break

As a super-parent extraordinaire I never need a rest from raising children.  I play with them in the morning, read to them in the afternoon, do yoga with them in the evening all while feeding them three organic health-food meals a day.

I also keep them safe

Some of you apparently need "breaks."  Well would you rather have your kid watching Dora the Explorer while you drink Milwaukee's Best on the couch, or have them learning a foreign language while you write stupid jokes in a coffee shop?

If you vote for the former, I question your taste in beer.

5. Arguments

Some day your child will be older, and when that day comes she will argue with you about the homework, the car keys, or the state of the Chicago Bears.  When that day comes do you want to be able understand the horrible things she's yelling?  Or would you rather be blissfully unaware as you give her the car keys that she just said you smell like a donkey?

¡Hueles como un burro!
I love you too.

You know they say ignorance is bliss for a reason.